some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
