It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
