You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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