i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
