Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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