Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
