To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
