your room smells of hookers.
And success
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
