I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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