I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
