i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
