he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
