I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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