You can't motorboat a personality
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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