I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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