oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
