At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
