Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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