I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
