xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
