Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Randomize
