i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
