i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
