I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
