clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
