; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
