I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
