Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
