they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
