Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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