hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
