I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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