Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
