we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
