you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
