if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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