i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
