Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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