Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
he just fucked me for my cheese.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
