Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
