I wish I could teleport
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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