Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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