It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
There r osticjed everywhere
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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