And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
