There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
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I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
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i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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