I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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