Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
