Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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