accomplished twins. life is a go
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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