YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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