I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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