I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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