Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
