Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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