you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
