I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
