You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize