i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
