pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
