i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
