Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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